What a rare occasion I'm experiencing right this second. Red wine, dark chocolate, quiet, warm, peaceful, Bruno Mars playing quietly in the background. I could easily use this moment to just be me, not a wife or a mother, not a sister or a daughter, just me... but who would I be without my husband, children, siblings and parents? I can't seem to separate all those roles, I am all of those all of the time, along with friend, student, consumer - consumer... that I was today to a great extent - I went and bought school clothes for my girls, they start GR 0 and GR 1 next year... wow RRRRR!!!!
But more then the RRR, my little girls are growing up. My babies, my chalk and cheese, they're no longer my girls (in a collective sense) they are such little individuals, who just keep growing and growing. Leila looked so special in her little Collegiate dress today, she loooved how she looked too, she's such a little lady, with her quirks and particular ways, she's responsible and so smart, intense and deep. My Carly - still sucking her fingers and fiddling with whatever she can find, is also growing up, she's so wonderfully loving and friendly, so confident and amazing. It's too much, I'm so sad and happy at the same time. I'm also so hoping that I do an Ok job and that they turn out happy, secure, popular, intelligent and most important girls with solid character who understand what is actually important in life.
I should feel happy that they're growing up and needing me less = less demanding, but I'm not, I'm so not, I don't know what I'm going to do with these kids of mine all growing up, next year, my first mini empty next (mornings only) - all my babies - at school - geez I can waffle hey - I'm really just typing what I'm thinking....
Talking about thinking, I keep saying the wrong words, I hope I don't have some sort of neurological problem, it's weird!!
Everything has to have a point in life, right? My point - I don't know, I'm sad my kids are growing up.
Now I'm going to get some more chocolate, because I still have some wine left... yummy
