How do you plead?

I think its amazing how many mothers are riddle with guilt (me included), it's like we have an invisible task master on our backs beating us to be better.  Now as I sit here, hearing the shrieks and screams from the dining room as my children (well the girls because the little boy is freaking me out and won't eat) are eating lunch - obviously there are other shenanigans going on, besides lunch eating -  now there's banging and giggling.... brb


Nothing to worry about, my fussy 6 year old is laughing and shrieking at the four year old, who is dipping her naartjie segment into her yoghurt - she can't believe what she is seeing, it's like the grossest thing on this planet..?? and obviously gross = shriek in little girl language.

Guilt - I feel guilty right now actually, while they have a moderately healthy lunch, fruit, yoghurt and some toast, I sit here dunking one of their Oreo's into my coffee - which doesn't seem that bad - except it's my third one, talking of thirds, I think I've polished off a third of those biscuits all to myself. 

I think there is something in the Bible about people being so far gone their conscience is seared - I'm having another Oreo and the guilt is fading fast, clearly I won't be fading away at the rate I'm going!

Ok Serious now, how much is enough?  and do we want to do just enough?  I certainly don't, I want to be a great mom with great kids?  But what is the criteria, are their any books available telling us moms what greatness actually is and exactly how to achieve it - NO! There are people's opinions and different schools of thought, but nothing concrete!  If only each kid came with a manual of how to work it properly, get the best out of it and off course a money back guarantee hee hee - but their aint! 

My theory is this - its a perpetual cycle, and only once my children have children of their own will I be able to see if I did a good enough job, it's like doing a 25 year assignment and waiting 5 years for your result - if all goes according to plan! :) 

And what happens if it turns out you did a crap job - a little too late don't you think!! Being a parent in this day and age is very tricky - I say this day and age, because when I was little my mom wasn't reading parenting self help books, it was more like Lord of the Rings or some other hippie book.  Kids were far out man, what a gas!  Remember just sleeping in the back seat of the car, out on the road, when the parents/parent were at a rip roaring house party, filled with 70's vibes?  or was that just me?  Or what about them just letting us play in the bush in our forts till 7pm and then calling us and hoping we came in for supper... at least I hope they hoped!  Now days, everyone is into being a good parent (well everyone I know) there is so much pressure to do it right.  There is no letting your kid sleep in the car as they may suffer rejection or become afraid not to mention the threat of abduction and crime these days.  What about the no smacking thing, it's abuse!  I could have used that when I was a kid - Suzie the Stick worked over time on this behind!!

There are so many differing views about parenting!  When Leila my eldest was a little baby I was so scared to spoil her that I never rocked her or snuggled her really, and now she is the most unaffectionate of all my kids (could be temprement as I'm quite similar), but what if it's not I've ruined my kid because a book told me not to snuggle her!!! How difficult is this parenting.  Lets not even get into middle child syndrome - when did that concept originate anyway?  I'll google it...

"birth order and how it influences a childs' personality was first looked at by Alfred Adler (1870-1937), an Austrian psychiatrist."

Great well that blows my theory I guess!  Seems like throughout the generations parents have found it difficult and pressurised to be good parents (how would I know I've only been alive for 33 years!! :)

At least we're not alone, at least we have each other, other moms to drink wine with and console each other that we are doing a good job and that even though we feel guilty about what we are not or are doing, we are the best moms our kids could have, they are OUR flesh and blood with our DNA and for any mom who's adopted a child, you haven't just adopted a child, you've saved a child and you're probably doing a better job then any orphanage would have!

So what to do? Pay attention to each child, get to know them, listen to them, interact with them and love them.  Teach them the truth, show them the ropes, explain or let them feel consequences, save them from danger, but let them feel the pinch of bad choices, with a shoulder for them to cry on.  Love them unconditionally, accept them without trying to make them into what you thought they were going to be.  Be there for them, help them where they're weak, praise their strengths.  Encourage them to choose good friends, to work hard and to be caring and loving to others.  Show them the world and how it's suffering, show them what they have to be grateful for.  Spoil them with affection and not with stuff, provide for their needs and teach them how to do the same when they're older.  Show them how to make food, fold clothes, clean the house - then sit back and enjoy the break when they ask you to lift your feet while they're sweeping hee hee

The Un-Supermom Over and Out